GTA Progress Report #4

Sunday... my day of rest. I woke up, went and picked up the Sunday paper, dodged the shopping bus ladies, had some breakfast, watched a bit of cricket then decided it was time to envoke the spirit of Carl Johnson and complete some missions.

For some reason, I couldn't walk, drive or shoot anything properly. Certain angles were giving me vertigo. Everything just kept going wrong and I couldn't work out *how* I had all of a sudden forgotten how to play GTA.

Here's the perfect example: I set out to the desert to collect some contraband for an undercover agent who is holding out on me about the whereabouts of my critically injured brother. After driving aimlessly, I finally make it to the first meeting point where I am yelled at for taking so long. It's not my fault that I was driving a dune buggy and kept getting run off the road by cars going 100km/hr...

At the checkpoint, I changed vehicles. First, I selected the dirt bike which I promptly rode into the dam. I then carjacked a vehicle and went back to the checkpoint to select another all-terrain vehicle. This time I took the 4-wheeler and drove it off a cliff. Back to the checkpoint where I took the only remaining vehicle which was one those things that they race at motorcross races... It's got four wheels, a cage... you know. With this vehicle, I made it to the top of the mountain where I was meeting the helicopter... and I *walked* off the cliff.

After several attempts, I finally made it to the meeting point at the summit and awaited the package's arrival. Part of the mission was to destroy any government helicopters that were trying to intercept the package. My rocket launcher ability was hopeless. I couldn't hit anything! Then some guys abseiled down from a chopper and started shooting me. Eventually I was able to down all the choppers... Only to mistakingly shoot down my chopper as well.

Yup, that's right, I shot down my own helicopter. At least three times.

Very quickly, I was reaching breaking point. I couldn't work out what was wrong with me. So I took my cap off (Sunday is hat day) and tried again. This time I passed the mission.

*shakes fist*

Obviously, wearing a baseball cap hinders my ability to play GTA. Which is odd because sometimes the only time I can play Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2005 is to wear a beanie.

One more thing... My new girlfriend, Michelle, has not made herself available to be dated since my last disastrous date. I might shoot up her garage.