Wednesday, 21 March 2007.

After a simply magical night with AB at the ballet, I had the worst cab ride home EVER.

Now I know I should never fight my instinct to catch a tram.

This is how it went down:

AB and I leave the ballet and walk down to Flinders Street Station where I hop into the next available cab. The following conversation ensued (this might make more sense if you live in Melbourne and know it well):

Me: Hi, how are you? Can you take me to Abbotsford please?
Cab driver: Abbotsford?
M: Yes, near Collingwood, off Hoddle.
CD: Hoddle?
M: Hoddle.
CD: You show me which way you prefer to go?
M: Ok. Drive down there and turn right.
CD: Right?
M: Yes.

We get to Flinders Street and he turns right. At every intersection, he asks if I want him to turn. Finally, I tell him to turn left at Spring Street.
CD: Left?
M: YES.
We near Victoria Street and I tell him to turn right.
CD: Ah yes, right onto Hoddle.
M: That's Victoria Parade. Do you even know where Hoddle Street is?
CD: To be honest, I just arrived. This is my first time driving.
M: *rolls eyes*
CD: You come from home or work?
M: The ballet.
CD: Ballarat?
M: No, the ballet... at The Arts Centre.
CD: What's ballet?
M: It's a type of dance.
CD: What kind?
M: Classical.
CD: You teach or student?
M: It was a performance.

Somehow, we eventually make it to my house. I say somehow because there were a few near death experiences and also, he thought it was fun to drive alongside a fellow cab driver and have a conversation. I ask him to stop, he drives another 10 metres. I give him a $20 and he tells me he has no change. This was the final straw.
M: How can you have no change?
CD: I just filled up with gas.
M: And you have no change... you're driving a cab!
CD: Do you have a credit card?
M: I'm not paying by credit card and getting charged EXTRA because you didn't bring any change with you.
CD: We don't charge you extra, the credit card company does.
M: I'm paying by cash... Why would I pay with credit when I have cash? How did you expect your customers to pay tonight?
CD: But I don't have any change?
M: And whose fault is that?
CD: What are we going to do?
M: What are YOU going to do? You drive a cab, you should have some change!

Some police drive by and tell the driver to move because he's blocking the road. The cop says, 'It's no standing, mate... you can't stop here.' So the cab driver starts to drive away.
M: You're taking me away from my house.
CD: Calm down, I'll just drive around the block.
M: Give me my money and I'll go inside and get you some change.
He continues to drive me AWAY from my house.
CD: They said 'No standing' so I can't stop.
M: We wouldn't be 'standing' if you had some change.

Eventually, he got me back to my house and I went and got him the fare. In retrospect, I should have given him my jar of 20 cents. He would have made a tip then.
As I shoved the money in his hand, I said, 'You might want to THINK before you drive a cab next time, you idiot.'

There was a lot more swearing but I thought I'd keep it nice. Normally I'm quite patient with cab drivers but this guy just took the cake. I should have taken down his number. One day I will officially make a complaint. Thank goodness I had my BP checked last week.