Commonwealth Games Opening Ceremony Blog Brief

If I had broadband, I would be doing this live. Alas I don’t have broadband so this is my blow by blow account of the Opening Ceremonies which I’m going to post as soon as the last firecracker has exploded.

• Giant slide show presentation about the previous 17 games (this being the 18th Commonwealth Games, formerly the Empire Games).
• Down to the Yarra with the Surf Lifesavers and the fish… it’s all about the fish.
• The Flying W Class Tram arrives.
• Introduction of Random Politicians.
• Betty Windsor has entered the stadium! How cute, she had a blanket over her lap while in the Rolls.
• Australian Anthem. Betty looks like she has her crankyskirt on.
• LOADS of fireworks.
• Back to the Surf Lifesavers… they do have 5kms to row, you know
• A boy and his duck. *shrug* It’s a Michael Leunig thing.
• It appears as if the Qantas choir has just emerged.
• The boy is chasing the duck through the sky on his skateboard. Now he’s caught in the Arts Centre Spire.
• Some koalas have come to the boy’s rescue.
• Yes, KOALAS.
• A tribute to Melbourne’s weather.
• Song of Welcome.
• I wish Ray Martin would shut the hell up.
• Swooping birds.
• 200 people with Remembralls (Harry Potter reference).
• This boy is no Nikki Webster (thank goodness!).
• The Australian Ballet vs. guys on motorbikes. So far, this is the best part of the ceremony. There’s a band singing ‘Under the Milky Way’ and this section is just hot.
• Ballerinas are flying.
• Ballerinas are on fire.
• There must be a rigger shortage in Melbourne.
• Woo, the Cat Empire. What a HUGE band! As in numerous band members. Not HUGE like U2.
• The Athletes Parade.
• Prince Phillip is falling asleep.
• Where the hell is Jersey?!?!
• Wales – bad outfits. But I think I’d like to go to Wales. *cheeky cheeky grin*
• Sometimes the best part of big time TV events like this is the ads. They’ve just aired my most favourite ad in the world.. It’s the Victoria Tourism Yarra Valley ‘Run, Rabbit, Run’ ad.
• Looks like the AFL Captains are carrying the torch up the spine of the fishes. Mark Ricciuto of the Adelaide Crows nearly stacked it. Them fish must be very slippery.
• CANADA! I want shoes with maple leafs on them.
• La la laaaaaaaaaaa… this is boring. Michael Voss from the Brisbane Lions has the ‘torch’. Is it a torch if there’s no flame? I guess they call flashlights 'torches' here.
• OH NO! They’ve decided to take a break while the Caribbean countries are coming in! This is why no one watches Channel 9 anymore! Stupid bastards!
• Woo... Lauren Hewitt’s Natural Confectionary Company ad.
• There’s only 2hrs 16min left of my computer battery… how long will this take???
• CRAP. I think I just stuffed up Jane’s tipping competition. New Zealand lost their Goal Attack through injury yesterday. That’s netball speak to those who don’t know. Netball… *spits*
• Ok… Australia is about to march out so there will be lots of noise and hoohah. Meanwhile, why are they all dressed in school uniforms?
• I might see if there are any sports that fit into my busy schedule. I think I will try and catch some table tennis.
• *yawns*
• My notebook is burning my legs.
• I hope that boy doesn’t come back.
• I might give this up soon. But then again, Delta Goodrem is meant to sing. And some opera lady is going to sing Happy Birthday to Betty. They’ll sing Happy Birthday but not God Save the Queen. Say it with me: STUPID BASTARDS!
• Now my computer says I have 2hrs 40min left.
• I wish they’d go back down to the Yarra and show Kane Johnson of the Richmond Tigers.
• Betty looks a bit more alert now. She appears to be pointing at Australia and asking why they’re all wearing school uniforms.
• It looks like the Australian team might suffer a few injuries marching into the stadium. They’re all jumping all over each other and knocking each other over.
• Ok… they’re all out. GET ON WITH IT! They’re athletes… Walk faster, I say.
• I think it’s way past my bedtime.
• I wonder who writes the scripts for the announcements. Talk about corny. And how come they aren’t in 3 different languages?
• Back to the freakin’ baton relay. OH. BATON. It’s not a torch at all. Do they even light a big cauldron in the Commonwealth Games? I guess they can’t do that, seeing as it’s a baton.
• Ron Barassi is walking on water. Actually, his feet are submerged so that’s not really on water, is it? It’s not particularly warm today either. Ron’s wearing a white tracksuit. And the Yarra is dirty.
• I wonder if I’ll finish measuring all that concrete tomorrow.
• I didn’t know the Commonwealth Games Federation had a flag.
• There’s Lauren Hewitt! I bet Drama Pittman decided not to stress her hamstring and march in the Opening Ceremonies.
• Blah blah blah… it’s the Athletes’ Oath to Fair Play.
• Some boy is making a speech directed at Betty. Dame Kiri Te Kanawa is singing ‘Happy Birthday’. Oh no… This is just ridiculous. It’s a ‘Happy Birthday God Save the Queen’ medley. That was more embarrassing than the inflatable kangaroos of Atlanta.
• Phillip doesn’t look well at all. Betty is not amused.
• Here’s the last four runners with the baton. They’re going to hand off to Betty. I hope they don’t get disqualified.
• Come on… I had to make a relay joke somewhere.
• I wonder if Cathy Freeman ever gets tired of ceremonial running.
• Ray Martin just called the Governor of South Australia ‘frisky’. (According to fitzroyal, it was Ken Sutcliffe who made the comment)
• One of the Australian athletes has the same digital camera as I do!
• I don’t know how people can climb or descend stairs without holding onto the handrail.
• Finally, the baton has arrived and has been placed on its docking station and the Queen’s message is being downloaded. Betty, however, already has the hard copy. There’s some feedback happening here, sound tech!
• Eleven days… ELEVEN DAYS. All this hassle for eleven days of competition.
• Betty just declared the Games open. Yay. Where the hell is Delta? Oh... in the middle of the MCG. I hope she doesn’t dance. She’s doing the Celine arm movements. I wonder if they’re going to hoist her into the air.
• Now here are flaming roller bladders. I hope Delta’s dress isn’t flammable. There seem to be a few things that are straight out of Torino. At least there haven’t been any disco clowns. Or snakes. Wait... there were no snakes in Torino.
• I wonder if the athletes are tired. They’ve been standing for an awfully long time. Could be worse… they could be treading water.
• Prince Phillip can’t wait to get the hell out of there. I believe he just asked Johnny Howard ‘Is that it?’ and now Betty is making her way out of the MCG.
• All my neighbours have just simultaneously thrown their windows open to watch the fireworks. There’s no point even trying to go to sleep while all this crap is going on. Jeez.
• I’m wearing jeans to work tomorrow, there’s going to be so much soot and ash out there.
• Looks like they’re blowing up the fish pontoons on the Yarra!
• I feel sorry for the thousands of cats and dogs that are running away from home right now because of the fireworks.
• ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, please get the hell out of the MCG. Last train’s at 12:30. Be nice to the Tram Attendants. Don’t fare evade.’

And that’s it for me. I wonder if I can get a job somewhere in the next 11 days blogging the Closing Ceremonies.